The Miracle of Childbirth
by LadyBranwen2012
Summary: Part two of the four part series. The sequel to Is This What They Call A Healthy Marriage?
1. Default Chapter

Scully had just given birth to her child. She was already in a regular room and was thinking about what she should name her new daughter. Mulder sat beside the hospital bed holding the newborn in his arms.  
  
"I've never seen Mulder so happy before," thought Scully. She smiled at the sight. "Maybe all the pain was worth it…or maybe the drugs haven't worn off yet."  
  
"Hey I know," Mulder said, interrupting her thoughts, "Why don't we name her Conspiracy?"  
  
Scully shook her head. "I know I'm still a little drunk on morphine, but I'm not stupid, Mulder. We are not going to call her Conspiracy. It's not a girls name and besides, it's not even a name at all!"  
  
"Conspiria?"  
  
"No." Scully looked thoughtful. "Piper?"  
  
"Nah. How about Luna Christina?"  
  
"That way when she has to use her middle initial, it will say Luna C. Mulder?" Scully laughed. "That's perfect! Lunacy is the perfect word to describe you, Mulder, but I'm not naming my daughter after your mental stability."  
  
"Ha ha, very funny. Black Oilivia? Or Oilivia? You know, after our case with the black oil?"  
  
"No." Mulder looked disappointed. "Ophelia?"  
  
"What kind of name is that?"  
  
"What kind of name is Black Oilivia? I'm naming her Ophelia and that's that!" Scully yelled.  
  
Infact, she yelled almost as loud as when she was in labor…  
  
Flashback  
  
"Oww, oww," Mulder thought. Scully was squeezing his hand into pieces."I knew I shouldn't have told her it was okay to squeeze my hand when it hurt. I thought they were just exaggerating on TV. I guess not."  
  
The nurses were rushing around, trying to contact an anesthesiologist so they could sedate Scully. Scully was by far, the loudest woman in labor the hospital had dealt with in years. She was waking people up all over the recently quiet hospital. It was, after all, 3:30 in the morning and people would not be happy to be woken up to blood-curdling screaming.  
  
"I want that doctor in her now!!" Scully yelled. "This is insane! There has to be an anesthesiologist somewhere in this hospital!"  
  
"Ma'am, we are in the process of finding him. Please be patient while we locate him."  
  
"'Be patient?' You want me to be patient? Have you lost your miiiiind?!"  
  
"Mrs. Scully, you have just had another contraction-"  
  
"Really? I did? Thank you for telling me, because I couldn't feel my insides being ripped to shreds!!!"  
  
"Another contraction, but you need to calm down a bit," the nurse said patiently. "You are not fully dilated yet, and you still have a little while to go. There are other patients here who are trying to get some sleep."  
  
"Well, maybe you should put padding on the walls because I have intention of stopping my screaming!!" "Honey," Mulder said cautiously, "Can you let go of my hand? I think it's broken." Scully let go. "Are you sure you don't want to calm down a little…or I mean be a little quieter?"  
  
"No, I will not calm down. I don't care if I wake everyone up in this hospital because there must be someone here, at least one woman, who knows what it's like to have a baby without anesthesia. I will not calm down, even if there isn't anybody out there in the hospital who has any sympathy at all my body being destroyed by this little monster of a child!! I don't know where people get that saying. You know, the one where they say, 'The birth of your baby will be the best day of your life.' Or this one, 'The miracle of childbirth.' What miracle? I don't call this a miracle! I call it cruel and unusual punishment! Torture!! How can any woman be calm and quiet at a time like this?"  
  
Mulder decided that it would not be a good idea to tell his wife that in the old days women were not supposed to scream or make a fuss during childbirth so as not to disturb their husbands. Somehow Mulder thought that Scully would not listen, care, nor spare his life if he made that comment. He just hoped that she was happy that her was there beside during this whole ordeal.  
  
"Hello, hello," said a stranger. "Did someone order an anesthesiologist? Well, let's see what we can do here."  
  
"Why the hell are you so cheerful? My insides are being ripped apart and you are being cheerful? Mulder, I want this man shot!"  
  
"Honey…"  
  
"I am sorry, but this is not a happy day, this is not a good, joyful, wonderful, terrific day! I repeat, NOT a happy day!!!" Scully looked at Mulder. "And you…You did this to me!I hate you. I never want to see you again and once I am able to get get up and walk again, I will find you and you won't be able to do this to me again if you catch my drift," She said slowly and evilly with a smile on her face.  
  
Mulder gulped as he realized what she meant.  
  
"Don't worry," a nurse whispered in Mulder's ear. "All women say things like that while in labor, but as soon as we get some drugs and have the baby, we calm down."  
  
"I sure hope so," Mulder whispered back.  
  
The nurse patted his shoulder.  
  
End of Flashback 


	2. Chapter 2

Mulder stared at Scully, remembering the few hours it actually took for her to have the child. In fact, at the moment, it was only 7:00 in the morning. Mulder remembered his mother telling him repeatedly over the years how much pain he caused her in labor and how long it took whenever he did something wrong. Mulder was just glad that Scully didn't have to be in labor for 46 and a half hours like his mother had been. "Who knows what Scully would have done to those poor people." Suddenly, he felt like calling his mom and apologizing for giving her so much trouble, but since she had committed suicide, he obviously couldn't. Instead, he looked up towards the ceiling, hoping his mom saw him and silently apologized. Besides, even if his mother were alive, he would not be able to leave the room because he had looked into his daughter's eyes, knew that he would love her forever, and couldn't make himself leave her, even for a second, and also knew that nothing ever would.  
  
"Are you sure you don't want to name her Conspiria? I really like that name."  
  
"No! I want her to have a normal name."  
  
Mulder raised his eyebrows. "And you think-"  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"But-"  
  
"Stop it! Her name is Ophelia! We won't name her Conspiria like you want to! I won't stand for it!"  
  
"Who are these people? I wonder if we should leave the baby with these people. They both seem a little too strange…People these days, sheesh!" thought the nurse that had just walked into the room. "I'm sorry you two, but the baby needs some rest now. I'm here to take her to the nursery." She reached out to take the newborn from the father, but he only stared her down and held it closer to him. "Any other time, with any other father, I would think this is sweet, but this guy looks weird. Maybe he's on more drugs than the mom is," she thought. "Sir, I have to take the baby now. Baby and mom need rest now after that long night. I won't hurt her or drop her, you can trust me."  
  
"Trust No One."  
  
Scully rolled her eyes. "Just give her the baby, Mulder. She's not Cancer Man in disguise."  
  
"Cancer Man?" the nurse asked. "Are you two totally doped up or what? Are you talking about a comic book character kidnapping your kid?" She laughed.  
  
"It's a long story, but no, he's not a comic book character," Scully said with a groggy smile.  
  
"Well good," the nurse replied, "But I'm afraid I still have to take the baby now."  
  
Mulder still held on protectively to his first child.  
  
"Mulder…" Scully prodded.  
  
He looked at her, then at the nurse, and reluctantly gave the baby to the nurse. He stared after it as the nurse walked out the room. Mulder felt a surge of happiness when he saw Conspiria (he planned on calling her that when Scully wasn't around) look at him and smile when the nurse turned to go to the left when she walked out the door.  
  
1 3 Weeks Later  
  
Scully was getting ready to go to her mother's house. This was the first time she was leaving her baby and leaving her alone with Mulder, for that matter.  
  
"And just why are you going again?" Mulder asked nervously.  
  
"Because my mom is sick and she wants me to check on her, Look I would take Ophelia with me, but since my mom is sick, I don't want Ophelia to get sick too." Mulder had the panic look on his face. "Mulder, it's okay," she said, "It's easy to take care of the baby. If it cries, feed it. If that doesn't work, change it's diaper. If that doesn't work, try singing to it or somehow putting her to sleep. After that, if nothing you try works, then call me."  
  
Mulder nodded uneasily. Scully thought he looked like a little lost puppy. She gave him a hug. "It's okay, Mulder. You're a big boy, you can take care of the baby." Scully pulled away and walked to the door. "See you in an hour."  
  
"Wait!" Mulder called, "What am I supposed to do if she cries again?"  
  
Scully shook her head. "Use common sense." With that, she walked out the door and shut it behind her. "God help him," she thought. 


	3. Chapter 3

Mulder still stood next to the door with the panic look on his face. He looked toward the nursery and hoped that Ophelia wouldn't cry at all for an hour or two. Hopefully, that was enough time to gather his thoughts and calm down a little bit. Unfortunately, she started crying as soon as he hoped she wouldn't cry.  
  
He walked to the door of his old office, which had been redone into the nursery. Mulder poked his head around the frame of the door, but still had most of his body by the wall. He saw Ophelia crying loudly, but he was like a scared little boy and couldn't move.  
  
Finally, he went into the room and picked Ophelia up.  
  
"Quit crying," he whispered. She still cried. "Please?" Mulder lifted her up higher so he could look at her diaper. "Are you wet? No, guess not. Now what else did Scully say to do?…Maybe I should try distracting her."  
  
Mulder carried Ophelia over to one of her toys. She stopped crying and played with her toy. "Phew," Mulder thought. He sat on the floor beside her, watching her be amazed at the music that played when she kicked all the buttons.  
  
"Well, Conspiria," he said, "I guess now is as good a time as any to tell you about conspiracy and all the cover-ups the American government has made over the years. First of all, and probably the most interesting and most important, is the John F. Kennedy assassination. Now my theory is-"  
  
Ophelia screeched.  
  
Mulder thought that she was screaming because of the music, so he went on, "Is that the government had to have covered something up. There were lots of gunshots, but where the government says the gunshots came from, doesn't make any sense. Some people think different things about it. Such as Lee Harvey Oswald, that's the guy who supposedly shot JFK, was supposed to have run down six flights of stairs in two minutes. I know I can't do that, you'd get tired after a while and wouldn't be able to make it. See Conspiria, there was this book depository and-"  
  
She screamed. Ophelia was glaring at him as if she meant to say she didn't care and to let her play with her cool toy in peace.  
  
"I guess your mom has already started brainwashing you. Just like your mom," he said. Ophelia continued to play. "Fine, I'll tell you when you turn five. Maybe then you'll appreciate what all the conspiracies really are."  
  
Now Mulder felt at ease with the baby and wasn't worried anymore. He got up and quickly ran to get a drink, then came back. While he was walking back, he tripped on a stray baby toy lying on the floor. Mulder felt himself falling forward and there was nothing to grab onto. He tilted his Coke so that none of it would hit Ophelia. Then Mulder felt himself hit the floor and felt the Coke spill all over his arms and back.  
  
"Crap," he muttered.  
  
Ophelia giggled.  
  
"So you think this is funny, huh?"  
  
She smiled.  
  
"Well I'll just leave this mess for your mom to clean up since she left me here with you…Not that that's a bad thing Conspiria."  
  
She looked at him blankly. He sighed.  
  
"Want to watch some TV?"  
  
Mulder took off his shirt, dried himself off with a part of it that wasn't wet, and picked Ophelia up. He walked to the couch, sat down, and then turned the TV on. It was on the FOX network and they were having FBI night.  
  
"Oh great…they better not be playing that COPS episode."  
  
Commercials were on and Mulder decided to try to play with Ophelia when he heard what was coming on in an hour…the movie based on the x-files that starred Tea Lioni as Scully and Gary Shandling as Mulder.  
  
"Great," Mulder said. "Conspiria, you can now see the 'documentary' on the x-files. None of that happened. They twisted everything and-" she screamed. "And I'll stop talking about it since it bothers you so much, your highness. You just wait and see for yourself."  
  
Suddenly Mulder saw his own face on the TV.  
  
"Nooo! Not COPS!" he shook his head. Ophelia giggled.  
  
So there they sat for the rest of the hour, watching COPS until that heard someone at the door. Scully walked in.  
  
"Well, I see that neither one of you are dead, so I take it that all went well?" she asked.  
  
"Yeah," Mulder replied, "But you should see what's on the TV."  
  
"What?"  
  
"That movie about the x-files."  
  
"That stupid thing?"  
  
"You got it. Do you want to watch it? You'll have a good laugh if nothing else."  
  
Scully shook her head. "That movie is not funny."  
  
"Come on," Mulder prodded, "We'll laugh at how stupid it is."  
  
Scully rolled her eyes. "Okay Mulder." Then she smiled and they walked hand in hand back to the living room and watched the movie.  
  
The End 


End file.
